Rookie Mistakes (Week 15, Day 6)

Finally another Friday rolls around. Maddy's cold has gotten better, but her cough has gotten worse. It's the middle of the night and I'm sitting up in her room making sure she can sleep alright. I've made the rookie mistake that every new mom will make - I've looked up her symptoms on the Internet, and am now worried about a myriad of diseases and infections that she probably doesn't have. Darn you Internet. Maddy is still insanely happy when awake so I don't think there is anything major wrong, but nonetheless I'll be calling the doctor in the morning to make sure I don't need to bring her in. I don't think the sense of worry for your child will every go away.

Sleepy time worries

Long Weeks and Immediate Perspective (Week 15, Day 5)

This week has dragged on, slowly but surely. My husband and I have spent 2 nights sleeping in a chair next to Maddy's bed. Last night, she was significantly better, and we were able to get some shut eye in between feedings. I've now developed Maddy's cold, so while she's on the road to recovery, I'm feeling the full effects just begin.

All of this has led to a very stressed out mom and employee. I'm beating myself up for not being able to keep up with all the tasks and urgent pieces of work that need to happen in my new role, and my to do list is getting longer and longer. Luckily, my boss is fully supportive of me and with 3 children of her own, understands its going to take me a while to get up to speed.

Today however, life dealt a blow that reminds us what is important. Today we heard news from a co-worker that his daughter had died. While we knew it was likely based on her condition, it was none the less painful to get the confirmation. And as a new parent, it is incomprehensible. There are no words that can be said that can justify and make sense of why a parent should have to bury their child. None. My heart is aching for my friend.

Nose Contraptions (Week 15, Day 3)

Week 15! Where has the time gone? The weekend is filled with baby birthday parties and family time, and we all have a chance to catch up on sleep. This turns out to be a blessing, because Sunday Maddy wakes up with a cold, and Phil and I spend Sunday night swapping staying up with her all night. It is so hard to see our little girl uncomfortable, and know there is not much we can do about it. The one new contraption we decide to try to relieve some of the discomfort is the Nosfrida, a Swedish invention designed to suck the snot out of your child's nostril. And I mean suck. With your mouth. I know, I think it sounds gross too. Amazingly, it is actually painless for Maddy, provides her with some relief, and to my relief, has a filter so that it is not possible for us to swallow her snot. This is of key importance to me. Although I have to admit I'm a total wimp - thus far, Phil has done the honors.

The Nosfrida - icky, but effective

After being up with Maddy all night, we expect to have a very fussy baby in the morning. The amazing thing is, she is happy as a peach! Congestion and all, she is all smiles and happiness, which takes away all sleepiness and enables us to power through the rest of the day.

TGIF! (Week 14, Day 7)

TGIF!

We've made it through the week. 

By Thursday, I was able to make it to work without forgetting something critical and having to turn back. On Friday, I spilled the milk I had just pumped all over myself.When I say TGIF, I sure as heck mean it. 

Luckily, my company has instituted summer Fridays, and therefore I was able to get extra quality time with Madeline in the afternoon. While I know I should stay the full day to catch up on work, I know that my “awake” time with Maddy is limited, and vow to open my computer again this evening to compensate. The weather was far too hot to go outside, so we spent the afternoon having some quality time in Maddy’s room - reading books, singing songs, and generally having some quality girl time. As Maddy drifted off to sleep in my arms after our second full week of work and daycare, I let my exhaustion take over and close my eyes as well - who knew that my Friday nights would turn into naps times with my baby, and end up being the most fun Friday nights yet?

Three Strikes You're Out (Week 14, Day 5)

Back Home Again

Three strikes, you're out. I did it again. For the third time in a row, I forgot something at home that is needed for the day, and have to turn back. This time, I'm not just a little annoyed, I'm downright mad at myself. Every morning I leave the house confidently, having double checked I have everything I need, and about 30 minutes later I'm heading back to the house to grab said forgotten item (today's it's nipples for Maddy's bottles) muttering words of frustration to my self like a crazy person.

I know it's because we are not in a routine yet, and because I'm still not getting a good nights sleep. And because, lets face it, I'm human. But being a normally well organized person and admittedly a perfectionist, these things are not condolences to me.

To get me through this week of forgetfulness I have to remember how lucky I am to have a daycare that is so close to my home, and work that is conveniently 20 minutes away. In a big city like Chicago, that's a blessing. And while I'm furious at myself for these continuous mishaps, I have to remember that no one else is - I'm still making it to work at a reasonable time and putting in the time and energy required to do my job. As usual, my worst critic for how I'm managing the transition back to work is me. And if I were to cut myself a little slack, I would be able to admit I'm not doing such a bad job.

Working Mom Routines (Week 14, Day 4)

Work this week has taken on a similar disturbing pattern - get everyone ready and out the door, drop off Maddy at daycare, return home for things I forgot. At least today I remembered before I made it to the office, and could easily adjust my schedule.

While I'm focusing on getting the daily routine down, I need to focus even more energy around getting up to speed in my new role. Every day in the office feels like it goes by at warp speed, and with my desire to run out the door to see Madeline at the end of each day, I find that I need to be extremely efficient and make every moment in the office count. Gone are the days of staying late to think through a problem, or getting in early put in a few extra hours towards a goal. Add pumping into the equation 3 times a day, and it's a wonder I know which direction I'm heading most days.

Daycare Nap time

Slowly but surely however, things are getting easier. Plans are being built to reach work goals, and I'm starting to transition from the "I've been out for 3 months and don't know what's going on" stage to "the direction I think we should go with this goal is ..." stage. I'm even able to find some time to think once Maddy goes to bed at night.

What makes all of these challenges abundantly easier is seeing Maddy thrive at daycare. She is loving the other children, the activity and and the nannies. Most days when I pick her up she's just finished a nap, and is excited to see mamma. Had she been more fussy and not transitioned to day care well, being away from her would be torture. As it is, it's hard for me to be away from her when I know she is awake and playing and I just want to watch her grow, but at least I know she is happy with her current situation, allowing me to push aside any concerns and focus on the days race.

Memory Failures and Getting into a Routine (Week 14, Day 3)

Starting my third week back at work things are starting to feel more routine. Last Friday, as I was racing to get to the daycare and pick up Maddy (well within the speed limit of course) I realized I had left all my pump accouterments in my office desk drawer. After cursing myself for my stupidity, I turned around and went back. So today, I make sure to check my things, and ensure I have pump, accompanying parts, bottles and nipples for Maddy, and my lunch all ready to go. I feed, change and prepare both of us for work/school (as I like to call it) and with husband in tow we all head out to see Maddy off to daycare. I'm feeling great about my ability to get organized and out the door to work in a timely manner as I walk up to my office - and it's at this exact moment that I realize I've left my computer sitting inside our secretary at home. I literally stop in the middle of the street, looking perplexed as to how I could have been so - stupid. Once again, I turn back to fix my mistake.

The day gets continual better as it goes on, and I realized that although I'm getting the hang of balancing work and more importantly life, I have a long way to go.