Fever Pitch (Week 33, Day 3)

Maddy woke up with a fever this morning. Of 103. This was the highest it's ever been, and she was burning up to the touch. I stayed home from work with her, and planned to take her to our doctors walk in appointments as soon as they opened. I got there right at 8:30 on the dot (the official opening time) to find an absolutely jam packed waiting room - every seat taken and extra chairs in the hallway, also taken. Part of me was anxious about the long wait before anyone would be able to see Maddy, and the other part was relieved that there must be something going around, which explains Maddy's horrendous cold. Once we finally got to see the doctor, they identified an ear infection and a cold and I hiked off, stroller in tow, to fill her prescription.

By the time I got back home, it was almost lunchtime and I had to begin fielding calls for work. While I could stay home with Maddy, my workday did not stop. So in between phone calls, I played, fed, changed diapers, nursed, changed more diapers, and generally entertained Miss Madeline. I had given Maddy her prescription for her war infection, but had not given her any Tylenol as I didn't like to give her too much medication. And in full disclosure, I could not figure out how to get the medicine out of the bottle. Damn you child proof bottles!

In the afternoon I had a very long conference call, and Maddy had begun to get irritable playing. I was able to soothe her to sleep on my chest, and she stayed there, asleep but clearly uncomfortable, snotty and sick, for 3 hours - not a usual nap for her. She woke up right around the end of my call, and she felt like a little furnace she was so hot, so I took her temperature. 104. Now the highest it's ever been, and scary high. Mom freaked out high. Ready to take action and head to the hospital high.

Before I completely panicked and rushed to the emergency room, I decided to call her doctor and get their opinion. I'm very grateful for the nurses and doctors at her practice - they are all very responsive, and very understanding of how scary it is to have a sick baby. They suggested that before I hike off to the ER, I give Maddy some Tylenol and see if her fever drops and she perks up with 30 minutes - if not off to the hospital we go. So now it was me against the childproof bottle, and I was going to tear it apart with my bare hands if I had to and get the medicine inside. Luckily, I was not foiled by it, and was able to get the medicine out of the bottle and into Maddy's mouth. And then we waited. My lethargic, fussy girl laid quietly on my chest, sniffling and suffering, and it broke my heart. I sat there, sleep deprived, hungry, and anxious, worried about what would happen if the fever didn't go down, if she didn't perk up. 30 minutes felt like two days. And then Maddy raised her head, looked me square in the eyes for a while, and started to squirm. She started to roll, and look for a toy to play with. She wanted to get on the floor and crawl. In summary, she started acting like herself again - the fever had gone down.

I knew eventually the day would come when the scary high fever would arrive, a day every new mom dreads but knows is unavoidable, and today it had. Together, we weathered the storm, and made it through relatively unscathed.

The Dog Day (Week 33, Day 1)

This weekend, we went to Fort Wayne to see my parents before thanksgiving. We thought it would be fun to get to spend some QT with the grandparents, and they were thrilled to see Madeline. We drove in late on Friday night, and Maddy was a dream- slept every second of the 3 plus hour drive from Chicago. Even slept once we got there, and sat and chatted with my parents. She slept every moment until it was time for us to get settled to sleep for the night, and transfer her to the pack and play. And that is when she woke up. And stayed up. All night. I'm not sure where her pure hatred for pack and plays came from, but it seems to be here to stay. She wants nothing to do with them. Ever. That night was spent coercing Maddy to sleep next to me in bed, and was only half successful. I thanked my lucky stars that we had nothing major planned the next day, and could rest and relax.

One of the amazing things about my parents place is the space- after being in our shoebox apartment, Maddy now had some serious crawling space, and didn't hesitate for a moment to use it. It was such a fun site.

Another treat was a visitor for my parents - my sisters dog Jackson. He is one of the sweetest dogs in the world, and also a little bit of a sceredy cat. I knew we had nothing to worry about with Jackson being around Maddy - he was probably more scared of her than she was of him, and kept wandering near me to get a look at this small new object, but never got too close to her. He definitely couldn't understand what all the fuss was over this little being, and continued to ensure all the big people knew he were around him.

As for Maddy, she couldn't quite make out what this new furry creature was doing in her world. She alternated between giving Jackson a serious stared down to attempting to chase after this new friend. At one point, Maddy was sitting in my lap, and Jackson came in a little closer to check out the little lady. Maddys response was to throw her arms open and squeal in delight- making Jackson jump and run away in pure terror. It was absolutely hilarious to see how confused each was by the others existence. By the end of the weekend, Jackson had become accustomed to Maddy, and had found one of her toys that he really wanted to explore. I spent a good half hour with Jackson running around me trying to steal Maddy's toy, and Maddy crawling around trying to catch Jackson. It was absolutely adorable. 

A few days later, Maddy now clutches a tiny soft puppy while she sleeps. I think Jackson has made a lasting impression on her!

Small Moments (Week 32, Day 6)

It's the week before thanksgiving, and I'm giving thanks that a break from work is near. Things have been so hectic that I'm barely able to keep up, and it's beginning to really wear on me. I feel like I'm in constant motion between spending quality time with Madeline and my husband, working and catching up at night, and cooking, cleaning bottles, doing laundry, making food, and generally running myself into the ground.

In all the madness, there are moments that make it all worth it. Today when I got to daycare, I got a very special treat. For the first time ever, when Maddy saw me and grinned, she went from sitting and playing with her toys to crawling over to be with me. It was amazing to get to see her be able to take action and control of what she wanted- just days ago she could only wave her arms and show frustration at not being able to move towards her goal (aka me) and now nothing stopped her. And it's the best feeling in the world to have your child want to be with you so much. It's the moments like this that make all the madness worthwhile.

BIG crawling days (Week 31, Day 6)

Today was a day like most others - a cold, winter approaching Thursday. We managed to drag ourselves to work and school, bleary eyed and cold. Nothing terribly exciting to report. At the end of the day, I raced to school to pick up Maddy, and got her 1,000 watt smile as a greeting when I entered the room. The monotony of the day melted away, and based on her reported nap times, I was in for a few hours of one on one time with my little girl.

After bundling up and getting home, I put Maddy on the floor so I could get situated for the end of the day routine. However, Maddy seemed ready to play for a little while rather than head off to bed, so I figured I’d give her a little more time on the play mat before starting sleepy time. I’m so glad I did. Maddy continued to move around the mat and sit up by herself, checking out the landscape and deciding her next move. For the past few weeks, she’s been so close to crawling, and so frustrated by not doing it, that I knew she was going to crawl at any moment. I thought this might be the time to test our her crawling skills, and gently placed some of her favorite toys just out of reach. She happily played with the toy in her hand and looked around the room, eyeing all her favorite things. And then, with determination and relative ease, she moved from her sitting to her hands and knees, and slowly shuffled a few paces to her favorite elephant toy, and flopped down on the ground to grab it. I knew it was going to happen soon, and was expecting it any moment, but I still couldn't believe it when it happened, and immediately teared up. She looked at me and smiled, with the expression of “What’s the big deal Mom?”

I could barely contain my excitement. I couldn't wait for Phil to get home so he could see what was happening. And even more, I was wondering if it was a fluke - could she really be crawling? I figured if she was truly crawling, she would try it again, so again I gently moved her favorite toys out of reach. She chewed on her elephant contentedly, looking around her environment for her next form of entertainment. And then she spotted it. More accurately, she heard it. Her rattle. The purple one with the pink handle. The one that fits perfectly in her mouth. She LOVES it. I had just moved it, and she heard it, and she wanted it. She put down her elephant, moved from her sitting position to her hands and knees, and again shuffled along, crawling a few precious steps before lunging for her beloved rattle and licking it with all her might. This time, I was able to follow her with my phone, and document the event for all humanity and family to see.

I’m practically speechless. This transition is amazing and exciting, and I know a thrill for Madeline, as she’s gotten increasingly frustrated by not figuring it out sooner. It’s terrifying as we now have to truly figure out how to baby proof our shoebox apartment, and there will be no setting her down for a moment and running to get something - she’ll need eyes on her all the time. And it marks a major milestone in her life, one that you can never go back from - she is crawling, and is mobile. There is no going back. During the time she wasn't moving around, it seemed to last forever, and now it feels like time flew past like a blink of the eye. I’m know this is not the first time in Maddy’s life that I've felt this way, and I’m positive it won’t be the last.

Stealing Moments (Week 31, Day 5)

These days, it feels like there is never enough time. The days and weeks are flying by, and there is never enough time to get everything done at work, and the weekends are too short to get all the family tasks done. It's easy to get caught up in the constant planning and movement involved in making our little family's life run smoothly. And throughout all of this, I have a profound desire to slow things down, stop what I'm doing, and relish the time with my daughter. Some days it's easy and I can push work and laundry and dishes aside. Some days it's not, and work tasks way heavy, commitments feel overwhelming, emails pile up.

Sleeping Beauty

Tonight Maddy fell asleep all too early as usual. This gave me time to run errands after she went to sleep while Phil stayed with her. Shortly after I got home , she woke up and sat up in her crib, crying to be held. This is becoming an increasingly rare occasion for her, when she is not teething or sick. So tonight, even though commitments are in fact looming in front of me, I pushed them aside to allow for a few stolen moments of snuggle time with Maddy falling asleep on my chest. I know all too soon she'll be too big for this and will no longer want to sleep on Mommy. I use these fleeting moments to soak in every thing about her- her peaceful and calm face, deep breaths and sighs, the smell of her just barely there hair. Her eyelashes that any grown woman would envy. It's times like these when all life's challenges can fade away for a moment, and you can just enjoy the small miracle that you just happen to be a part of.

Teething and Sitting and Eating, Oh my! (Week 30, Day 7)

This week has absolutely flown by. Maddy has fully recovered from her cold, however Mommy was the next victim, so the weekend was spent trying to recover and take care of a perfectly healthy child. Then it was back to work and school, and catching up on all the things that slipped the week before.

Before we could even recover from our last challenge, the next one set in - teething. Every baby reacts differently. It can't be predicted. It can't be controlled. The only thing it can be is endured. And so it began. I have to say, compared to others, I know we have it easier than most. There is no endless hours of crying in pain. No inconsolable baby. What we do have, however, is a very AWAKE baby. A baby that is not hungry. And a baby that just wants mommy and daddy to hang out with her and hold her while she goes through this transition. At 2 AM. For more than an hour. Every night.

This week has been a challenge - our almost sleeping through the night baby has reverted back to up in the middle of the night for long periods of time. And because she has not been eating during the day, she's all of a sudden hungry in the middle of the night again. Needless to say, the work week has been long, and trying to catch up has been a challenge.

On top of all of that, we added continuing solids to the mix, which is a day to day adventure. Some days she loves them, some days she doesn't. Most things green, she doesn't.

And to cap it all, she's made the exciting development of sitting up be herself. It's awesome, and she's thrilled with herself when she does it. But it alerts us of more change. One night this week, she fussed and I went into her room to find her sitting I her crib, bewildered as to how she got there. And at daycare, she sits up only in her crib, and is so excited she won't take her afternoon nap - she sits up and stares at the other babies and refuses to sleep. So the "normal" schedule is now gone with the wind, and we are waiting patiently for a new norm to emerge.

Bad Luck Comes in Threes (Week 29, Day 6)

OMG. I don’t think it’s possible to be more tired. The last few day have been exhausting, and tested every level of sanity I never knew I had. It started on Sunday, when Maddy started developing a deep cough - not a little wimpy cough that all babies get, but a big one - one that told me there was probably more to come. And more to come there was - by the evening she was burning up with a full fledged fever, and we knew we would have to make alternative plans for the work week - there was no way she was going to daycare on Monday. While there was nothing we could do about this, the timing wasn’t perfect - both Phil and I really needed to be in the office on Monday. In the end, it was me that stayed home as there was more I could do remotely than Phil. We took turns sleeping in a chair with our feverish daughter all night, and in the morning began the task of trying to join conference calls, write emails, and generally move work forward - all while holding a lethargic and newly clingy baby.

As the day went on, Madeline continued to get worse - her temperature rose, and the happy smiley baby I see everyday turned into a red eyed, sleepy and sad little girl. There was nothing I could do to make her feel better besides hold her, and that’s what I did for most of the day.

By the time Phil got home I was exhausted from the trials of the day. Unfortunately the days trials were not over. Phil came home with news that our brand new car (the one we bought no more than 3 weeks prior) was dead. It had died on Sunday, and he had jump-started it, and now it was dead again. To make matters worse, one of our neighbors was having work done on their apartment, and while there, the electrician discovered a major gas leak. We received an email that the gas had been turned off until further notice, so that the gas company could come out and fix the leak. I was appreciative of the speedy action that was being taken to ensure we didn't have a serious problem. I was not so pleased about having no heat or running water at the end of October in Chicago. While the weather wasn't terrible, the forecast did show temps dropping to the 30s/40s overnight. So I sat on my couch, holding my inconsolable baby, with no heat, no hot water, and no transportation. The week was not starting out well, and it wasn't looking like it was going to get any better any time soon.

At this point, Phil and I decided that we both needed to stay home the next day to divide and conquer. As Madeline was no longer leaving my arms at all, I didn't even attempt to get her to sleep in her crib - and didn't want her to anyways with the temperatures dropping. We spent the even on the couch - she sleeping on my chest under several afghans, me trying to sleep and worrying about the comedy of errors that had befallen us. In the morning, Phil went about trying to figure out what was causing the car to die, while I waited for the doctors office to open - Maddy’s fever had continued throughout the night, and gotten higher, and at this point it was time to take her in.

Phil was able to fix the car more easily than expected, so we trekked off to the doctor’s together. Luckily, everything looked relatively normal for Maddy, and they ascertained that she was just suffering a bad cold. While this is always great news to hear, the prescription is not - do nothing. We could give her some baby Tylenol if we really wanted to, but the only thing to do is ride out the fever and the cold, and try to keep her comfortable.

With this news, we headed back to our now chilly condo, to find about 5 large gas company trucks camped outside the building. Knowing that we would not get any relief from the cold in our house, we packed up our things and headed to the nearest Starbucks, to try and get some work done but more importantly keep our daughter warm. This was an easier task for Phil and for me - Madeline again did not enjoy being anywhere by on Mommy’s chest - luckily once she was asleep I was able to rig up my computer on a table so that I could hold her and get work done at the same time. Oh the life of a working mother!

By mid afternoon, we headed back to the apartment to check on the status of the gas leak. While it was not on yet, It was time for Maddy to nap, so I again took to the couch and layered on the blankets, to get some relief from the cold.

Our luck started to turn around in the evening, when the gas company came by to turn our gas back on. We were finally able to cook a dinner, shower, and do laundry again, which helped restore a little bit of sanity to the household. Maddy was not fully recovered, so I spent another night on the couch with her, trying to keep her comfortable. By Wednesday morning, her fever had pretty much broken, and while she remained lethargic for most of the morning, I was beginning to see signs of my normal little girl. I spent one more day struggling through conference calls and getting work done in moments between feedings, naps and fussiness. By the afternoon, Maddy was fully herself again - laughing and playing and wanting to spend time with Mommy and Daddy. Now it was time to start re-introducing sleeping in the crib, and our normal routine - not an easy task in itself. Once that is done, there are bottles to clean, laundry to do, more work to do, the list goes on and on and on…..

Did I mention I was tired??