The Final Week (Week 11, Day 3)

This Monday starts my final week of maternity leave. This time next week, I'll be at work - probably pining to be home. So far it's been a perfect day with Madeline - a good nights sleep (over 5 hours in a row last night, can we say progress??) followed by a lovely long morning nap on mommy's chest, in which mommy might have dozed herself. My sister in law and mother in law came down and spent the day with me, and we took a long walk through the park and zoo, had a yummy lunch and some playtime with the kiddos before another snugly nap. If you can't tell, I'm doing my very best to soak up every moment before reality sets in. I know this week will whiz by, and I want to make the very most of it.

Sleep, Magical Sleep (Week 11, Day 1& 2)

It happened! The magical sleep has arrived, at least for one night!! 

Saturday we spent the morning at brunch with the girls (because Maddy just loves brunch and girl time) and then a trip to the suburbs to see the grandparents. We planned to come back to the city before dinner, so we could put Maddy to bed at a reasonable hour and watch the Blackhawks game. Maddy fell asleep on the car ride home, giving us a chance to make a quick grocery run. When she woke up, we changed her, fed her and put her to bed, and over SEVEN hours later she woke up. SEVEN. You read that correctly. I couldn't believe it. I almost didn't know what to do with myself - I felt like I should stay up and make up all that extra time I spent sleeping as a celebration! I don't want to be overly optimistic that this will now become a routine quite yet, so right now I will sit and bask in the 3AM glory of knowing that these longer sleeps are possible, and are slowly but surely becoming a reality.

Making Mommy's Night

Preparing My Brain for Work (Week 10, Day 7)

Maddy ready to meet Mommy's work friends!

After a good cry and long walk in the sunshine with my babe, I felt much better about the whole going back to work prospect, and spent the rest of the day enjoying Maddy and our time together. 

On Friday, I was now mentally prepared to meet my boss for lunch and talk shop. Maddy was a dream baby - as if she knew how important it was that she didn't freak out, she slept through the entire lunch meeting, and was smiling and cooing at everyone she met once she did wake. It was nice to get into the office and see familiar faces, and know that I was missed. It was weird to discuss work topics, progress that has been made and for people to remind me of  things going on and tee up topics for discussion when I return. 

I did find it amusing that anyone thought I cared deeply about getting my head around work topics yet - I'm doing my darnedest to keep work in a separate drawer, that was opened for a brief moment, and has been promptly closed so that I can enjoy my final week with my daughter before the great balancing act begins.

Anxiety (Week 10, Day 6)

Okay, so I'm officially stressed about going back to work. How in the world do people return to work after only 3 months? You have a baby that is still getting up throughout the night, and not yet on a good sleeping schedule. Trying to get them out the door dressed, changed and fed in time for you to be in the office by 8AM seems damn near impossible. Especially when they are usually asleep, or about to take a good nap right about the time you should be getting them out the door. Then to actually go to work and focus on something else besides your child; well the thought of using my brain in that way is actually appealing, but I haven't really grasped how I'm going to manage it yet.

As with all milestones in this new chapter of my life, I'm realizing that Maddy's transition to daycare will likely be easier than my transition back to work. I'm a very organized person, and I'm currently feeling anything but. I know that I want (and need) to work, but I'm feeling overwhelmed as to how to make all the moving pieces fit together. I'm confident things will fall into place after a few days, and we will establish a routine. I will dig in, get organized, and figure it out. But right now, in the early morning light with my beautiful girl fast asleep on my chest, I'm feeling very glum about the whole prospect.

Goodbye Mommy Support Group (Week 10, Day 4)

Today was my last visit to my new moms group. Next week is my birthday, and the hubby has offered to take the afternoon off to spend it with me, so today is it. I almost didn't make it at all- Maddy took a monster nap and didn't wake up until 30 minutes before it started. I had just enough time to feed her, change her and race there and only be a few minutes late.

It's bittersweet for me this afternoon in many ways. In talking to the doctor, I realize while I've learned a lot from him, there is more to do. Finding a balance between just enjoying my baby's company regardless of sleep habits and feeding her needs for regular sleep patterns takes dedication, and some sacrifices of time spent with her. If I were truly following the doctors advice, there would be less walks during nap time, and a much earlier bedtime. This will enable her to be less fussy, and perhaps improve her growth habits. While I know it's the right thing to do, the thought of putting my baby to bed at 6PM once I return to work feels like a great sacrifice. I discuss her current sleep habits with the doctor and he points out that because she has a later bedtime, her naps are also not tuned right and she is over tired. I know this is true, but am not sure how to change it with daycare looming just days away. While I know I should get her into a routine soon, I know a routine is going to be forced on us in a matter of days, so why not continue to enjoy our schedule until then?

As for my friends, many of the familiar women are there, and looking around it is great to see how much we've all grown over the last few months, and how we've helped each other. Each of us seems more comfortable in our new role as mother, and have bonded with and understand our babies more. We're also familiar with each others babies, and know each others issues with sleep, nursing, tummy time, etc. There is a real sense of camaraderie among us, and I'm sad that I won't continue to see these women on a weekly basis. We've exchanged emails, and many have become friends - one will even be attending the same daycare. But there is still a sadness as I feel a door closing, as this chapter of maternity leave ends.

Fleeting Maternity Leave Moments (Week 10, Day 3)

Time to play!

Two weeks. That's all that's left of my maternity leave. Just two weeks. Where did the time go? It feels like a flash of time, just a moment ago we were bringing Madeline home from the hospital. I'm determined to make the most of it, and cram as much quality time as possible into the next two weeks.

The forecast for the week is 80's and sunny, so I have plans to take Maddy out for fresh air as often as possible. We have big plans for snuggle time, flirting with the fan, and discovering hands, feet, and the animals on the play mat. This will be in between walks to the zoo and long luxurious naps. I can't wait for the week with her, and at the same time don't want to see it start because I know it will be over before I can blink. I'm trying to use my full concentration to stay in the moment, rather than worry about all the things that need to get done before I return to work. They can all wait. This precious time with my little girl cannot.

From One Mom to Another (Week 9, Days 6&7)

This week has been a slow and steady path to recovery and sleep for both Maddy and myself, and we couldn't have gotten through it with such grace without my mom here to help. My mother has a knack for gently going with the flow, while still making sure all our needs were met - having her here to help with Maddy has been wonderful. I've been able to get things done around the house, and do crazy important things like shower every day. She's been able to spend time getting to know her granddaughter, and learning to read her and help me get her used to other people putting her to bed. 

When I was exhausted from worrying about her cold, and my husband was tired from returning to work after a weekend of travel, my mom was there with dinner ready and an extra hand to help with Maddy. She even came to our chosen daycare with me to check it out and ask questions, and reassure me that I've made a good choice for caring for Maddy while I’m at work. More than anything, she was a sounding board for my worries, and an advocate for my joys of all things Maddy. I loved having a week with my mom to enjoy my forever changed relationship with her.