(Week 28, Day 3-5)

It’s Coming! It’s Coming! Today after work and school, Maddy grabbed my husband’s hand and started sucking away at it, and he responded with a “Look at that!”. I let Maddy take my hand and she immediately put it in her mouth, and there was a new sensation on her lower gums - a hard, sharp object starting poke through - her first tooth! You can’t quite see it yet, but you can certainly feel it! And thus far, there has been no drastic change in behavior - no diaper rash, fussiness, etc. Just pure Maddy joy and a whole lot of putting everything in her mouth, which isn't exactly a break from the norm.

There are so many things happening with Maddy’s development these days, it’s hard to keep up. She’s teething, she’s so close to crawling that we are days, not weeks, away, and she’s firmly in the world of solids. This is opening up all sorts of new and fun opportunities and challenges. It’s exciting to think about introducing her to new kinds of foods, starting her down a healthy track, and the whole idea of making homemade food for her is very appealing. The idea of my little girl getting teeth and moving from gummy grins to an actual toothy smile is crazy to me, but terribly exciting. And crawling. Don’t even get me started. She is already fairly mobile - scooting and rolling everywhere. When she starts crawling - watch out, there will be no stopping her!

And then there are the challenges. Now on top of washing bottles, freezing and storing milk, and all the coordination that comes with pumping, there are solids to think of - what should we introduce next? Where am I going to find time to make food? Once she has teeth, when does the biting start? When should we start brushing her teeth? Once crawling starts, how often should I wash my floors? What about childproofing the house - how can we make sure she doesn't get into something? And how am I going to find time in the day to do ALL this STUFF??

As with every new stage, there are feelings of excitement, nervousness, and frustration. I know we’ll figure it out, just as Maddy figures out how to get her legs under her and moving in the right direction. Have children is truly a lesson in change management - ready or night, the change is coming, the platform is burning, and soon, it will be time to jump!

Reflection on Month 1 of Being a Working Mom (Week 16, Day 6)

As the week continues, so does Maddy's cold. It feels like it is never ending. After a week and a half, her common cold has stayed consistent, and the coughing has gotten worse. We finally took her to the doctor to ensure there was nothing more we could do to help her recover. The kind nurse practitioner examined Maddy, and validated our assessment - she has a cold, and nothing further can be done to help her recover beyond rest, frequent nose cleanings, and feeding her often. And while her cough wakes her up and makes her feel uncomfortable, she is still smiling and playing and enjoying her awake times.

One thing I noticed today in the ever changing world of my daughter was her hands. They've all of a sudden gone from little balled up fists, unable to coordinate motion and only used to flail aimlessly, to purposeful extremities. Beyond grabbing and grasping, her hands are open, feeling and touching all the time. When soothing Maddy in her crib, those little hands wrap around mine as a sense of reassurance, palms open and flat, feeling my fingers and hands for comfort. There is no touch more delicate than that of a baby learning to use their hands for the first time. It's something that I've been experiencing with Maddy for the last few days but couldn't quite put my finger on, and now I realize it's the experience of new sense of purpose with these perfect little hands.

Day 6 (again):

My first month being back at work and a new working mother is officially complete, and I'm officially exhausted. Every working mother said it would be hard, and they weren't lying. The forgetfulness, feeling of being constantly rushed, trying to run full steam ahead while running on empty, all the while trying to halt and take in the precious moments of awake time with your little baby have taken their toll.

For the last two weeks Maddy has been sick, and I've been sick too. So to cap my end of month 1 at work, I stayed home with my slightly feverish daughter. To be honest I was relieved at the thought of spending the full day with her, but knew this would not be a fun filled day outside like on maternity leave. The weather called for rain all day, and every time I put Maddy down, whether it be on her play-mat, the couch or her crib, she screamed bloody murder. She threw up on me 3 times, somehow managed to get poop on me and would only nap laying on my lap. So much for trying to get some work done while she slept! After several outfit changes on both our parts, I was able to get a few calls in (whispering during nap time) and send a few emails, but the rest would have to wait for the weekend.

I know things will get easier. I know I'm in the thick of it now, learning to balance my need for perfectionism at work with setting clear boundaries and expectations for myself. I know that rushing to and from work will get easier, and I'll get into a routine and stop forgetting things and have to come home.

The one thing I know for certain is the quality time with Maddy will continue to be precious, and as long as she stays the happy, smiling, bright girl that she has been, we'll be able to get through this together.

Discovery Time (Week 11, Day 5)

After 2 ½ months, I’m still amazed about how much Maddy changes each day. Sometimes when she is sleeping, I’ll look through the pictures of her we've taken, beginning with the day she was born. It’s incredible to see how much she’s changed in such a short period of time. Not just in her size and weight, but her expressions and movement. Every day it seems she is discovering something new, and is more alert and amazed by the world around her. Her play-mat (the little infant contraption with animals that hang down over her when she’s laying on her back), once something she had little interest in, now is a daily amusement, and it seems she finds something new about it each day. Mirrors provide endless excitement as she tries to interact with the baby she sees in front of her. Her toothless, gummy grin is more frequent every day, and her coos and calls begin to feel like a conversation with her. Best of all, she finds Mommy and Daddy hilarious, and often looks at us and laughs. Many of my parent friends say that with every new stage, being a parent gets more and more fun, and now I know why. I thought I couldn't enjoy being a mom to Madeline more, and then something happens to make it even better. I'm feeling truly blessed today for my little girl!